Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk is not a location!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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