I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
