He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
