Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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