The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
