are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
