The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
