Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
