At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
