just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
