So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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