I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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