tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
