i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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