I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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