just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Congratulations! We have a period
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
