going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
