At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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