I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
