There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
