and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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