I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
