Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
