i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
