Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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