in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your cock deserves a montage
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I believe in your delicious
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
