Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
