Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
