That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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