Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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