I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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