My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
