I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
