it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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