true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
