ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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