I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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