Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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