Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm too high and old for this...
A+ Viking dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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