Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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