Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
