so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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