I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
