i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
