I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
