so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
