Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
