didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
