dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She even gives head with a lisp.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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