so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
True but thats because hes a fetus.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My liver just had a heart attack.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
