sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
