party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
