you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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