Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
