The maid of honor just puked.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Green mimosas i think yes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
