i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
